Quiet — A Book Review

Readability — 4/5
Content — 5/5

I found Quiet profoundly useful and enlightening in my journey through life, relationships, know-thyself, and navigating careers.

I always classified myself as neither extroverted or introverted, so I settled on ambivert, a category I argue does not carry a lot of meaning. In Jung personality theory, I really had no place. I ranked middle for intro-vs-extro, middle for thinking-vs-feeling, middle for judging-vs-perceiving, middle for intuitive-vs-observant. I’m middle of the pack runner, which did not give me much info to go on. Who was I really? The big five: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Neuroticism, I scored middle of the bar. So it was not helpful until Myers-Brigg came along.

But Myers-Brigg was really just classing me kinda towards some set of 4, but in reality, I fluctuated alot. Some folks say it really speaks to them, they cookie cut right into a category. I don’t. I change alot. Depending on my mood, my environment, my relationships, my lifestyle. Does that make me a fraudlent facade of a being?

No. And I’m kidding, that’s not how I treat myself.

I just thought these tests told you little to nothing.

But I kept trying.

Along came Quiet.

So I cannot say I score differently now. But I can say Quiet helped me show me the hidden parts of introverts — the lesser discussed path of human personality. Introverts don’t get that much limelight, so naturally I know more about what an extrovert is like. Then I realize from this book, I’m still smack in the middle, but I know more about why I am an ambivert, and what makes up my introverted side as it compared to my fellow humans.

One of the largest take-aways was this argument that introverts are overly sensitive. They perceive things and sense things and notice things, feel things strongly such that it is significantly stronger than how an extrovert feels or perceives the exact same thing. It means introverts are likely to get easily overwhelmed or that they have a better instinct to perceive important things. An extrovert is less sensible to a stronger stimuli, so therefore less likely to notice it or need a heck of a lot more stimuli just to trigger something in them.

This sets up a fundamental scale of what an introvert is to an extrovert and definitely helps scale me right in the middle. I know what both parties feel, now that that has been identified to me.

This argument is slowly unraveled through the chapters and provides more in-depth in how that works for an introvert to over-sense and over-feel everything. Tasting, seeing, hearing all affected. Most prefer to listen in quieter volume settings for music than others. Most prefer less stimulation and would soon need to retreat to a niche.

But what she does demonstrate effectively is how that does not affect performance and it even drives the ability to notice and act upon things in a better, more considerate manner. In fact, introverts often feel the executive role better, even if their public speaking skills needed more work to brave through.

Quietly achieving work and not needing that outward activity often hides their true potential and they fight hard to speak up more in a western society that prefers and emphasizes it more. Many colleges and companies prefer the public speaking, the presenter skills, making bold statements, standing their ground verbally to the point that words are more important than actions it would seem.

That high flung open public drama is less preferred in companies and institutions that just need someone with the ability to do the grinding work of the role of leadership. Hence, secretly, introverts live and thrive in high positions without giving off their vibe as an introvert. In fact, they public speak so well and seem to entertain a crowd so well, you cannot even tell they are actually an introvert.

When it comes to finances and risk-takers of Wall Street, there’s a good case to make for introverts’ innate ability to be safe and secure. Having a higher sensibility to risk and more emotional and fear response to risk makes one more self-aware of the trouble they can get themselves into when risking it all in the stock market. Investments and money makers are often out there greedily investing away to make huge gains for the company. The more they make, the more commission they make. The more promotions they will get.

And so the typical risk taker with a strong voice and backing it up in good times, often out speak the rest of the room by deed alone. And so, when push comes to shove, executives are more likely to listen to the rewarded, earnings winning individual that bolsters a strong history of winning, speaking loudly in the room, rather than one who is quiet, observative, and does not yes-man the executive by exercising unpopular caution. And this exact notion makes the introvert even quieter when they should speak up. And so, the company goes headlong into trouble, even bankruptcy.

Highly impulsive extroverts, in situations where they know they should not take that risk, have an ability to ignore their best instincts, and risk it all anyway. So this is an ability introverts have the opposite of, where they have the ability to listen to their best instincts.

Harvard Business School, for all its prestigious glamor is a place where extroverts excel and eventually lead great jobs in the world, primarily for all the incentives they get in the system. The school is filled with encouragement and incentive — even a forceful push, to ‘put yourself out there’, to ‘speak up’, to stand up in class and make bold statements. That is encouraged, even if you’re wrong or the thought was not thoroughly evaluated before conveying.

False information is also spread like this, where extroverts cannot hold onto the dark thoughts and bias, hell-bent on spreading this toxic or inaccurate information to the next so they too can be warned of the impending dooms and wrongs of society.

Such culture overwhelmed with extroversion completely lives the introvert in retreat, in camouflage. Or disillusioned that something is inherently wrong with their closed personality.

Synder’s Self Monitoring Scale:

• When uncertain how to act in a social situation, do you look to behavior of others for cues? YES
• Do you often seek advice of your friends to choose movies, books, or music? NO
• In diff situations and diff people, do you often act like very diff people? YES
• Do you find it easy to imitate other people? YES
• Can you look someone in the eye and tell a lie with a straight face if for a right end? YES
• Do you ever deceive people by being friendly when really you dislike them? YES
• Do you put on a show to impress or entertain people? YES
• Do you sometimes appear to others to be experiencing deeper emotions than you actually are? NO

The more above answered YES, higher your self-monitoring.

• Is your behavior usually an expression of your true inner feelings, attitudes, and beliefs? YES
• Do you find you can only argue for ideas you already believe? NO
• Would you refuse to change your opinions, or the way you do things, in order to please someone else or win their favor? NO
• Do you dislike games like charades or improvisational acting? NO
• Do you have trouble changing your behavior to suit diff people and diff situations? NO

The more above answered YES, lower your self-monitoring.

Try not to act out of character for too long. Restorative niches are important. Places to retreat to so you can be alone and be yourself again, so you can prepare yourself to get back into character

Introverts in a cooperative game rate competitors and teammates more positively than in a competitive game.

Extroverts in a competitive game rate competitors and teammates more positively than in a cooperative game.

Introverts work better when robots are encouraging, say positive encouragement. Very nice, keep up the good work!

Extroverts work better than robots are brash and aggressive, like you are do it, I know it! focus on your exercise!

Negotiators vary by culture. Hong Kong students vs Israeli students in debate function differently.

Two business managers were given to these students. One friendly and smiley, the other irritable and antagonistic. Asians were far more likely to accept friendly than hostile. While the Israelis were likely to accept deal from either manager. Asians negotiators, style counted as well as substance; Israelis focussed more on content conveyed, unmoved by display or either sympathetic or hostile emotions. It didn’t pay to be nice. lol

Introvert and extrovert couple, compensate not by focussing on number of parties hosted, but the format of the parties. An introvert that wanted less parties and an extrovert that wanted more chose instead to just simply change the way the party is held. No big table, instead, comfy sofas with pillows so extrovert can converge to middle, while introvert can safely hide on the side.

Cupertino, a town of studious Asian students that live in reverse to American culture, emphasizing silent retreating study to gain high marks and get rewarded for this with scholarships and opportunities. This culture is exact opposite of what America is more about, loud and bold statements of extroversion. This shows Asia of idolizing a calm collected, quiet power introvert ideal, while the Americans idolizes a talking Trump or a thoughtful powerful speaking Obama, more extrovert ideal like George Washington. This is seen at the micro and macro level.

These students may have trouble adjusting to the Western economy as opposed to returning to Asian. But could also do well in Silicon Valley.

Question I wish to ask the author: Is introversion or extroversion a society learned or genetically inherited behavior? And a person try exhibiting opposite version behavior to improve themselves?