How to Talk to Anyone

A Book Review and Notes

Hang by your teeth/jaw

Add topics under the introduction, never introduce without content

Spotlight on them

Tell me where you were when this happened/Tell me about the time when you…

How do you spend most of your time

Leave the negative / skeletons away, stick to positive thoughts

I program software, especially ones that are related to maps or places, I under to do it for marketing, weather, among other things.

I spend most of my time playing sports, gardening, and walking my dog

Substitute boring words you use like ‘smart, good, pretty, nice’ with more sophisticated word choice, just one a day will improve you quickly.

Don’t jump in quickly and say ‘me too’, wait out their story, then tell them you share that similarity, it is far more effective.

Once a month, do something unique out of your routine, do a wacky new thing that you haven’t done, so that you seem to know a bit about everything, cause you’ve done ‘their thing’ once. (scramble therapy — you get 80% of the lingo from just one exposure)

‘see you at the big one’, know the insider lingo

read the magazines/blogs of the insider, look into do’s and don’ts of the foreign place you are visiting to ‘clear customs’

Anyone

1. Copy’class’
2. Echoing — Listen to the speaker’s arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives — and echo them back. Hearing their words come out of your mouth creates subliminal rapport. It makes them feel you share their values, their attitudes, their interests, their experiences.
3. Potent imaging — use imagination and analogy of the person’s world you are speaking to
4. Employ Empathizers — Don’t be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding. Dust your dialogue with phrases like “I see what you mean.” Sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers like “That’s a lovely thing to say.” Your empathy impresses your listeners and encourages them to continue.
5. Empathizing with the same sense — feel, smell, see, hear, think, taste, match the sense the person is using at the time, rather than try to discern their primary sense, something you can discern over time
6. Premature ‘we’ — level 1 cliches small talk, level 2 facts, level 3 feelings and personal questions, level 4 we statements, Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if you’ve met just moments before. Scramble the signals in their psyche by skipping conversational levels one and two and cutting right to levels three and four. Elicit intimate feelings by using the magic words we, us, and our.
7. Create a friendly private joke — quack
8. Praise behind their back
9. Carrier pigeon for a compliment someone else made about someone
10. Accidental slip of the tongue compliment
11. Praise them in private
12. When complimented, try not to just do an embarrassed thanks, instead say ‘that’s very kind of you.’ Or ‘you noticed, yeah I only recently…’
13. The tombstone game
14. Talking gestures — on the phone, you must convert your body language into your voice, tone, implications, delivery
15. Name shower — 1000 miles away but their name rings true and holds their attention
16. Always acknowledge the spouse or close influencers
17. Get what you want with timing — what color is your time? Is this a good time for you
18. Chow before you come, you don’t come to eat or you don’t come to talk. Can’t do both. Scan the room, no more ships passing in the night, you came for someone or you didn’t come at all.
19. Open palms, to welcome people in, shoulder bags over the shoulder to open your stance, not clutching onto handbags
20. Track the stardom of those people you care, to the tiniest details
21. What’s in it for you, what’s in it for me, do not deny their access to helping you, make it care that the favour is being done by them and they will be more inclined to help
22. When someone does a favor for you, don’t ask for it to be done right away. Give them time to savour in the favour they’ve done for you
23. When you do a favour for someone, don’t expect to cash in on your favor right away. Wait a. Bit first. They will not likely forget. Nor do you make it sound like you expect payment, that’s wrong too
24. Dinner is for soft, positive talk, no serious talk
25. Parties are for parties
26. Chance encounters are for chances, not for ‘sale opportunities ‘
27. Prepare them to listen to you, empty their tanks first
28. Echo the emo, facts speak, emotions shout. Hear their facts, empathize with their emotions
29. Make a goof, make up for it, turn your goof on someone to an apology and a gain for them, this will turn the tables quick
30. Leave an escape hatch for wrongdoers, let them retreat in grace and then do not invite them again.
31. Buttercups to the boss, tell the person’s manager how happy you were, to keep that person

Remember, repeating an action makes a habit. Your habits create your character.
And your character is your destiny.
May success be your destiny.